Sexual Abuse is Not About Sex

 

 

Sexual abuse is not about sex. In my research, I have found that adults find it challenging to talk about sex abuse because the lines get blurred when talking with children. Of course, avoiding the topic is also saturated with the underlying fear that "it won't happen to my child" or that somehow talking about it will elicit it in our lives. Avoiding the topic doesn't change the fact that 1 in 5 Girls and 1 in 6 Boys are sexually abused as children, according to the Center for Disease Control.

 

Sex abuse is about power and control.

 

Teaching our children safe boundaries

over their bodies is about teaching them to have power and control over their own bodies. This empowerment allows a child to feel control over saying no to unwanted touch including hugs and kisses etc. The subject of sex doesn't factor into the equation of the conversation. What we can focus on is teaching them the boundaries (the lines) of their bodies, their space and respecting others' space. With this comes the responsibility to help them explore the line and support them when they say no.

 

Forcing a child to hug and kiss "Aunt Martha" whom they've never seen or sees infrequently, sends a confusing message. The child will more likely not know when it's okay to say no and tell someone about an unwanted touch by someone known to them. According to the American Psychological Association an estimated 60% of sexual abuse is perpetrated by those close to the child such as family friends, coaches, babysitters, neighbors; About 30% of perpetrators are family members such as fathers, cousins, uncles; and only 10% of perpetrators are strangers to the child/family.

 

Sex abuse is not about sex. Teaching our children they have power by exerting their boundaries and learning the value of saying no, with the support of their caretakers, is the key.©

 

Dora Brody, M.A.

Parenting Coach